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feeling some type of way
Jul. 12th, 2024 12:02 amHaving some serious frustrations and it's putting me in a cranky, defeated sort of place. I don't even know WHY which I think only adds to the frustration making it worse.
I worked on my homework, python coding stuff making a program produce a word count using dictionaries, something I learned about the existence and basics of 12 hours ago total. I just feel like I can't do it on my own and if I can't do it on my own why am I bothering to study it? I found the answer I needed to work out what I need to do, doubted it, only half did it and it didn't work. I asked Tony for help & it was the right answer after all & I just didn't implement it correctly.
I know it's just... this is something I learned about the existence of THIS morning and of course I wouldn't understand the full capabilities and functions of it in order to do my homework tonight but I couldn't help like throw a fit about it. I just need to be kinder and gentler to myself and understand it's not easy. Hold myself to the standards I would hold someone else.
I'm frustrated about my midterm grade, work, the fact I'm getting this degree and I don't know what my job goals are once I'm done. I guess it's that same unmoored feeling you get when you're about to graduate high school and undergrad where you don't know what's next.
Anyway I fell in a big slump tonight and idk. I guess I'm kind of still there. Maybe after a good night's sleep it'll pass. I'll get up tomorrow and have a good breakfast. I don't want to go to my lab at all, my TA makes me insane, but whatever. I'll go. I think just having 0 break from school since last summer is really..... wearing me down a little.
Going home this weekend & also feeling mixed about it. Not that I don't want to, it's just a pain to pack the cat up and she hates being at the parents' house so bad. We're going up into the mountains though for a cookout, hang out by the water etc. I'll feel bad leaving the cat alone all day, but she'll survive. Sunday we'll be swimming & I think that'll be nice and refreshing. I hope!
Writing this helped clear my mind a little bit :) I'll be fine
I worked on my homework, python coding stuff making a program produce a word count using dictionaries, something I learned about the existence and basics of 12 hours ago total. I just feel like I can't do it on my own and if I can't do it on my own why am I bothering to study it? I found the answer I needed to work out what I need to do, doubted it, only half did it and it didn't work. I asked Tony for help & it was the right answer after all & I just didn't implement it correctly.
I know it's just... this is something I learned about the existence of THIS morning and of course I wouldn't understand the full capabilities and functions of it in order to do my homework tonight but I couldn't help like throw a fit about it. I just need to be kinder and gentler to myself and understand it's not easy. Hold myself to the standards I would hold someone else.
I'm frustrated about my midterm grade, work, the fact I'm getting this degree and I don't know what my job goals are once I'm done. I guess it's that same unmoored feeling you get when you're about to graduate high school and undergrad where you don't know what's next.
Anyway I fell in a big slump tonight and idk. I guess I'm kind of still there. Maybe after a good night's sleep it'll pass. I'll get up tomorrow and have a good breakfast. I don't want to go to my lab at all, my TA makes me insane, but whatever. I'll go. I think just having 0 break from school since last summer is really..... wearing me down a little.
Going home this weekend & also feeling mixed about it. Not that I don't want to, it's just a pain to pack the cat up and she hates being at the parents' house so bad. We're going up into the mountains though for a cookout, hang out by the water etc. I'll feel bad leaving the cat alone all day, but she'll survive. Sunday we'll be swimming & I think that'll be nice and refreshing. I hope!
Writing this helped clear my mind a little bit :) I'll be fine
